Episode 9: Waist-Deep In The Big Muddy

"Now when I bore people at a party they think it's their fault."
- Henry Kissinger

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Our Bobblehead President has spent the last ten days fleshing out his resume of malignant incompetance.

Saturday, August 27:
The National Hurricane Center warns that Katrina is expected to make landfall in southeastern Louisiana in 48 to sixty hours.
Dubya is setting a new record for presidential vacations at his ranch in Crawford.

Sunday, August 28:
Mayor Nagin of New Orleans orders a mandatory evacuation.
George goes cycling, trying to forget about Cindy Sheehan.

Monday, August 29:
Katrina makes landfall.
Bush flies to Arizona to play golf.

Tuesday, August 30:
Over 2.7 million people are without electricity. The New Orleans city government moves to Baton Rouge. Over 42,000 people fill 208 shelters.
George considers loping two days off his five-week vacation to attend to business.

Wednesday, August 31:
Flooding, violence, and looting continue in New Orleans. Bodies accumulate.
Dubya flies over the region on his way back to D.C.

Thursday, September 1:
Louisiana's governor predicts deaths in the thousands. Over 76,000 residents crowd 275 shelters, about 45,000 of them in the Superdome and the Convention Center.
The director of Homeland Security says he didn't know a levee had been breached.
Michael Brown, the head of FEMA expresses surprise that there are 15,000 survivors in the Convention Center.
George travels to Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana. In an impromptu press conference, surrounded by politicians, not victims, he spends about fifteen minutes "bucking up the morale" of regional politicians. Apparently unaware that he is smiling continuously while lightly touching on aspects of the disaster, he congratulates "Brownie" for doing "a heck of a job". He also remarks that Senator Trent Lott lost one of his houses but that he was going to rebuild and the President said he looked forward to sitting on the porch.
Back in the Oval Office, he states that he is sympathetic about the near anarchy that afflicts the disaster area and states that "the federal government has got an important role to play." The plan to blame officials at the local and state levels has begun.

Friday, September 2:
Over 94,000 survivors cram 308 shelters, but relief supplies start arriving at the Convention Center. By the end of the day, there are nearly 20,000 troops in Mississippi and Louisiana.
Bush makes another visit to the region to spread sympathy and understanding. On his departure from Louis Armstrong Airport, he says, in part, "You know, I'm going to fly out of here in a minute, but I want you to know that I'm not going to forget what I've seen. Here's what I believe. I believe that the great city of New Orleans will rise again and be a greater city of New Orleans." Applause. "I believe the town where I used to come from, Houston, to enjoy myself ...occasionally too much..." Laughter. "...will be that very same town." Heh, heh.

Saturday, September 3:
Dubya appears in the Rose Garden to deliver his regular radio address. Obviously, Karl and Karen have urged him to knock off the jokes and chuckling for the duration. He reads his script
with a wrinkled brow.
Obviously, the spin has not reached all party leaders. The Guardian reports that Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said "It makes no sense to spend billions of dollars to rebuild a city that's seven feet under sea level. It looks like a lot of that place could be bulldozed."
Elsewhere, it has been little noted that Vice President Cheney has remained in his undisclosed location, unseen and silent for a week.

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REUBEN SANDWICH
We have a marvelous new kitchen toy, a Cuisinart Griddler, sort of an upscale George Forman Grill. It came with recipes. This is one, slightly adjusted.
Serves 4.

3/4 cup sauerkraut, rinsed, drained, and dried on paper towels
8 slices pumpernickel bread
4 tablespoons fat-free Thousand Island dressing
4 ounces sliced reduced-fat Swiss cheese
8 ounces thinly sliced corned beef
Butter or olive oil spray
Mustard

Place four slices of bread on work surface. Spread each slice with dressing. Follow with equally distributed layers of cheese, corned beef, three tablespoons sauerkraut, and more cheese.

Heat the Cuisinart or similar device (or a non-stick skillet) to medium-high. Spray each sandwich with butter spray on both sides. Place the sandwiches on the grill or skillet, close the grill cover (or place a smaller skillet on the sandwiches) to weigh them down. Cook until hot and the cheese is melting, three to five minutes. Serve with mustard. Reubens go really well with beer.

You don't have to thank me.

The Vision Thing

Episode 8: Holy Year

"The idea that any one of our religions represents the infallible word of the One True God requires an encyclopedic ignorance of history, mythology, and art even to be entertained."
- Sam Harris, The End of Faith

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Pat Robertson, winner of our Christian-of-the-Month citation, suggested that we kill the Venezuelan president, Hugo Chavez. Ever the compassionate pragmatist, he noted that assassinating this particular head of state was "a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
Critics of the remarks directed Robertson's attention to one or two of the Ten Commandments, but no doubt he drew solace and authority from other parts of The Good Book, which calls for the stoning to death of anyone with whom believers disagree (Deuteronomy 13:7-11).

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Moderate Muslims insist that Islam is a religion of peace. Apparently they find themselves capable of ignoring this directive of the Prophet:
"Believers, make war on the infidels who dwell around you. Deal firmly with them. Know that God is with the righteous (Koran 9:123).

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A 1996 Gallup poll stated that 35 percent of Americans believe that the Bible is the literal word of the Creator. Another 48 percent believe that it is the inspired word of the Creator. That only leaves 17 percent who can claim to hold reason as a desirable human quality. About 42 percent, it is said, hold creationism, now gussied up as intelligent design, to be true. Our president is one of them. It would not be surprising to learn that he is among those one adult Americans in five who think the sun revolves around the Earth.

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The new Iraqi draft constitution dictates that "Islam is the official religion of the state, and is the main source for legislation. No law can be passed that contradicts the fixed principles of Islam's rulings."
That means the courts will rely on Shariah. So much for women's rights.
President George W. Pinhead, extending his stay at Fantasyland Ranch, nevertheless hailed the proposed constitution for providing "far-reaching protections for human freedoms."

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Our next president might well be Brother Jeb, he of the enlightened stand on the Terry Shiavo case. For a peek into how he might run things, consider that the man he appointed to head Florida's collapsing child welfare system has written journal articles condoning "manly" discipline of children. He cites the Bible for justification, natch: "Although you smite him with the rod, he will not die. Smite him with the rod, save the soul."
Following this approval of 10th Century child care, appointee Jerry Regier added: "Scripture is clear in stating that women are to be helpmates to their husbands, that they are to bear and nurture, that they are to be workers at home."

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Adam was a Lutheran, says Garrison Keillor of Prarie Home Companion. "What other kind of man would choose an apple over the naked woman standing beside him?"

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TiVo alert: Anthony Bourdain, the author of Kitchen Confidential, has two ongoing television series at the moment, Cook's Tour on FoodTV and No Reservations on the Travel Channel. There is no place he won't go and nothing he won't eat, chain-smoking all the way. Jo thinks he's the coolest guy on the tube. Any one addicted to food and travel will be entranced.

What? You don't have TiVo? How can that be?

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SEAFOOD POTATO SALAD
Although this is a cold main dish, it's best done in late September or early October, when shellfish are larger, plumper, and sweeter than in summer. Expect to spend about two hours putting it together, but you'll get raves.
Serves 6 to 8

For the salad:
2 pounds red potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/2 pound cucumber, peeled, seeded, and cubed
1/4 cup onions, finely chopped
1/4 cup parsley, minced
3 pounds mussels, de-bearded and scrubbed
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1 bay leaf
3 tablespoons white wine vinegar
1 pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined
Salt to taste
1 pound sea scallops, thoroughly dried with paper towels
1-2 tablespoons corn or canola oil
1/2 pound snowpeas, trimmed
1 ripe mango (about one pound), peeled and cubed
1/2 head Chinese cabbage, thinly sliced cross-wise
1/2 cup scallions, both white and green parts, trimmed and sliced cross-wise
1/2 cup basil, torn or chopped

For the ginger vinaigrette:
2 tablespoons imported grainy mustard
4 tablespoons white wine vinegar
Salt & freshly ground pepper to taste
2 tablespooons fresh ginger, peeled and grated
1 cup canola or corn oil

Put the potatoes in a pot with a pinch of salt and water to cover. Bring to a low boil and cook until firm-tender, about eight minutes. Drain and set aside to cool. Add the cubed cucumber, onion, and parsley. Gently toss to mix.

Put the mussels in a large pot. Add the thyme, bay leaf, and vinegar. Cover, bring to a boil, and cook until until the mussels start to open. Remove open mussels to a bowl, discarding any that do not open after six minutes. Drain the cooking liquid through cheesecloth and reserve. There should be at least a one half cup.

Put the reserved liquid in a saucepan and bring to a low boil. Add the shrimp and a pinch of salt. Cook the shrimp until they are pink and opaque, about two-three minutes. Remove from the heat and drain. Set aside. Heat the oil in a skillet or grill-pan and saute the scallops until they start to color, about three-four minutes. Remove to the same bowl as the shrimp. Remove the mussels from their shells and place in the same bowl as the shrimp and scallops. Discard the shells.

Put the snowpeas in a saucepan, add a pinch of salt and water to cover. Bring to a boil, then lower to simmer for about two minutes, or until crisp-tender. Drain, and briefly run cold water over the peas to stop the cooking. Combine the mango, cabbage, snowpeas, and scallions in another bowl.

To make the ginger viniagrette, put the mustard and vinegar in a bowl and add the salt, pepper, and grated ginger. Whisk the ingredients with a thin stream of the oil until thoroughly blended.

Add four tablespoons of the vinaigrette to the mango-cabbage mixture and toss to blend. Add four tablespoons of the vinaigrette to the seafood and toss to blend. Add the rest of the vinaigrette to the potato mixture and toss to blend.

Mound the potato mixture in the middle of a large serving platter. Ring the potatoes with the cabbage-mango mixture. Arrange the seafood mixture neatly over the assemblage and sprinkle the minced basil over the top. Serve.