Episode 9: Waist-Deep In The Big Muddy

"Now when I bore people at a party they think it's their fault."
- Henry Kissinger

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Our Bobblehead President has spent the last ten days fleshing out his resume of malignant incompetance.

Saturday, August 27:
The National Hurricane Center warns that Katrina is expected to make landfall in southeastern Louisiana in 48 to sixty hours.
Dubya is setting a new record for presidential vacations at his ranch in Crawford.

Sunday, August 28:
Mayor Nagin of New Orleans orders a mandatory evacuation.
George goes cycling, trying to forget about Cindy Sheehan.

Monday, August 29:
Katrina makes landfall.
Bush flies to Arizona to play golf.

Tuesday, August 30:
Over 2.7 million people are without electricity. The New Orleans city government moves to Baton Rouge. Over 42,000 people fill 208 shelters.
George considers loping two days off his five-week vacation to attend to business.

Wednesday, August 31:
Flooding, violence, and looting continue in New Orleans. Bodies accumulate.
Dubya flies over the region on his way back to D.C.

Thursday, September 1:
Louisiana's governor predicts deaths in the thousands. Over 76,000 residents crowd 275 shelters, about 45,000 of them in the Superdome and the Convention Center.
The director of Homeland Security says he didn't know a levee had been breached.
Michael Brown, the head of FEMA expresses surprise that there are 15,000 survivors in the Convention Center.
George travels to Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana. In an impromptu press conference, surrounded by politicians, not victims, he spends about fifteen minutes "bucking up the morale" of regional politicians. Apparently unaware that he is smiling continuously while lightly touching on aspects of the disaster, he congratulates "Brownie" for doing "a heck of a job". He also remarks that Senator Trent Lott lost one of his houses but that he was going to rebuild and the President said he looked forward to sitting on the porch.
Back in the Oval Office, he states that he is sympathetic about the near anarchy that afflicts the disaster area and states that "the federal government has got an important role to play." The plan to blame officials at the local and state levels has begun.

Friday, September 2:
Over 94,000 survivors cram 308 shelters, but relief supplies start arriving at the Convention Center. By the end of the day, there are nearly 20,000 troops in Mississippi and Louisiana.
Bush makes another visit to the region to spread sympathy and understanding. On his departure from Louis Armstrong Airport, he says, in part, "You know, I'm going to fly out of here in a minute, but I want you to know that I'm not going to forget what I've seen. Here's what I believe. I believe that the great city of New Orleans will rise again and be a greater city of New Orleans." Applause. "I believe the town where I used to come from, Houston, to enjoy myself ...occasionally too much..." Laughter. "...will be that very same town." Heh, heh.

Saturday, September 3:
Dubya appears in the Rose Garden to deliver his regular radio address. Obviously, Karl and Karen have urged him to knock off the jokes and chuckling for the duration. He reads his script
with a wrinkled brow.
Obviously, the spin has not reached all party leaders. The Guardian reports that Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said "It makes no sense to spend billions of dollars to rebuild a city that's seven feet under sea level. It looks like a lot of that place could be bulldozed."
Elsewhere, it has been little noted that Vice President Cheney has remained in his undisclosed location, unseen and silent for a week.

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REUBEN SANDWICH
We have a marvelous new kitchen toy, a Cuisinart Griddler, sort of an upscale George Forman Grill. It came with recipes. This is one, slightly adjusted.
Serves 4.

3/4 cup sauerkraut, rinsed, drained, and dried on paper towels
8 slices pumpernickel bread
4 tablespoons fat-free Thousand Island dressing
4 ounces sliced reduced-fat Swiss cheese
8 ounces thinly sliced corned beef
Butter or olive oil spray
Mustard

Place four slices of bread on work surface. Spread each slice with dressing. Follow with equally distributed layers of cheese, corned beef, three tablespoons sauerkraut, and more cheese.

Heat the Cuisinart or similar device (or a non-stick skillet) to medium-high. Spray each sandwich with butter spray on both sides. Place the sandwiches on the grill or skillet, close the grill cover (or place a smaller skillet on the sandwiches) to weigh them down. Cook until hot and the cheese is melting, three to five minutes. Serve with mustard. Reubens go really well with beer.

You don't have to thank me.