Episode 76: Season's Bleatings
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Our Lord Joe Almighty Has Spoken
Senator Joseph Lieberman has announced that while he's willing to allow debate on health care he can't "in good conscience" allow any bill to pass into law if it contains a public option.
He won't allow it. Never mind the wishes of his Connecticut constituents, whom most polls show want the public option. Joe the Sanctimonious knows what's best for us. (We can assume he won't be giving up his free Congressional health care plan.)
This is the Lieberman, who, as a moralistic senator in the Clinton administration, threw his good great friend Bill in front of the train over a blow job.
This is the Lieberman who, as a wobbly Democrat, ran for Veep under Al Gore. In his one debate with Dick Cheney, he let Darth lie for the hour and never challenged him.
This is the Lieberman who, as the whiny loser in his state's Democratic primary, stated that for the good of the country, he couldn't allow those results to stand.
This is the treacherous Lieberman, who, as an Independent, was at Republican John McCain's elbow throughout his presidential campaign.
This is the Lieberman who should do the honest thing and reveal that he's been a right-wing mole all along.
Senator Joseph Lieberman has announced that while he's willing to allow debate on health care he can't "in good conscience" allow any bill to pass into law if it contains a public option.
He won't allow it. Never mind the wishes of his Connecticut constituents, whom most polls show want the public option. Joe the Sanctimonious knows what's best for us. (We can assume he won't be giving up his free Congressional health care plan.)
This is the Lieberman, who, as a moralistic senator in the Clinton administration, threw his good great friend Bill in front of the train over a blow job.
This is the Lieberman who, as a wobbly Democrat, ran for Veep under Al Gore. In his one debate with Dick Cheney, he let Darth lie for the hour and never challenged him.
This is the Lieberman who, as the whiny loser in his state's Democratic primary, stated that for the good of the country, he couldn't allow those results to stand.
This is the treacherous Lieberman, who, as an Independent, was at Republican John McCain's elbow throughout his presidential campaign.
This is the Lieberman who should do the honest thing and reveal that he's been a right-wing mole all along.
************************************************************************************* How Did This Happen? A Literate Sportswriter
Take a look at the analyses of The New York Times pro football expert, Mike Tanier. They appear on the days of every NFL game. Examples:
"Jay Cutler's passes sail high over all our heads, like weather balloons, differential calculus, or Remembrance of Things Past. It takes amazing arm strength and a shocking lack of impulse control to overthrow Devin Hester, but Cutler finds a way."
"Michael Vick's consigliere, the irreproachable busybody Tony Dungy, suggested that his protégé would be a great fit for the Bills. Dungy also said that Missouri would be a better state if it were farther west, and the New Madrid fault rumbled obediently at his commands."
"Diatoms form the base of the oceanic food chain. They are microscopic creatures that produce food from sunlight and exist to be eaten, the undersea equivalents of the Lions, the Rams, the Browns, and the Raiders."
"Defending Miami is like trying to punish someone who likes confined spaces and gruel."
"Stripped of his play-calling duties, Jim Zorn is now like Puyl in The Last Emperor. He can order around the eunuchs and canoodle with Ar Mo, but he has little decision-making power."
"Cribb's salary is roughly an eighth of what Brady Quinn makes to stand on the sideline looking like the singer for a My Chemical Romance cover band."
Take a look at the analyses of The New York Times pro football expert, Mike Tanier. They appear on the days of every NFL game. Examples:
"Jay Cutler's passes sail high over all our heads, like weather balloons, differential calculus, or Remembrance of Things Past. It takes amazing arm strength and a shocking lack of impulse control to overthrow Devin Hester, but Cutler finds a way."
"Michael Vick's consigliere, the irreproachable busybody Tony Dungy, suggested that his protégé would be a great fit for the Bills. Dungy also said that Missouri would be a better state if it were farther west, and the New Madrid fault rumbled obediently at his commands."
"Diatoms form the base of the oceanic food chain. They are microscopic creatures that produce food from sunlight and exist to be eaten, the undersea equivalents of the Lions, the Rams, the Browns, and the Raiders."
"Defending Miami is like trying to punish someone who likes confined spaces and gruel."
"Stripped of his play-calling duties, Jim Zorn is now like Puyl in The Last Emperor. He can order around the eunuchs and canoodle with Ar Mo, but he has little decision-making power."
"Cribb's salary is roughly an eighth of what Brady Quinn makes to stand on the sideline looking like the singer for a My Chemical Romance cover band."
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Crook of the Month
A man walked into a Taco Bell in suburban Rockland County, New York. It was the middle of the afternoon. He brandished a gun. Told the cashier to get on the floor. Then he walked into the manager's office and asked for a job application. Another employee took that opportunity to escape to a nearby Wendy's to call the police. The manager told the holdup man to leave. He did, with neither cash nor employment.
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Croo
ks of the Year
ks of the YearA gang in the Peruvian jungle has been killing people...for their fat. They are said to drain fat from their victims' bodies to sell for use in cosmetics. When arrested, two members of the gang were carrying bottles of liquid fat. They told the cops that the fat was worth $60,000 a gallon on the European black market.
Medical experts are skeptical that a real demand exists, but conceded that human fat might help to keep skin supple.
************************************************************************************* You Just Can't Trust Those Passive-Aggressive Canadians
The United Nations recently criticized Iran for numerous human rights abuses in the protests over the fraudulent June elections. The resolution enumerated death and injuries of protesters, intimidation and violence by government militia members, and abuse of prisoners includ
ing rape and torture.
ing rape and torture. The Iranian ambassador to the U.N. was outraged. He thundered that the resolution was politically motivated and lashed out at its main sponsor as a violator of human rights. That sponsor?
Canada.
Yes, Canada. Quite possibly the most humane, tolerant nation on the face of the earth.
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posted by Tuck G at 1:58 PM
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