Episode 28: The Eye

London Losing Luster
After a few days in London fore and aft of our two weeks in Paris, Geezer came reluctantly to the conclusion that it is a city in chaotic decline. It wasn't the famously awful weather, which actually was fine, with temps in the high 60s (shrieked one tabloid headline, LONDON SWELTERS IN HEAT WAVE!). Always the perfect starter destination for unilingual North Americans, it had so much going for it - museums, pubs, theatre, parks - it was always a favorite.

But the center of the city is now a madhouse, with surging, jostling crowds charging heedlessly down the packed sidewalks, and double-decker buses grinding through their gears and massing slow-moving, nose-to-tail walls along the constricted streets. It makes midtown Manhattan at noon look like Omaha at midnight. Many fringe neighborhoods resemble shabby Third World capitals populated by people who obviously scorn assimilation. West End theatre used to be a special treat and a particular bargain at prices well below those on Broadway. Now there is cost parity and the plays and musicals are largely tired cross-Atlantic trade-offs of revivals and overwrought grotesqueries of the Andrew Lloyd Webber stripe. (An exception was the hilarious current version of Spamalot.)

London has magnificent museums, several of them proudly showing off splashy new wings and renovations. But the special Monet exhibition at the National Gallery cost $24 per person! A one-way ticket to get there on the Tube was $8, a little under $7 on a bus. And a very ordinary double room at a middling hotel sets visitors back at least $375 a night.

British journalists and commentators routinely sneer at imports from American television while ignoring the fact that British TV networks and producers are directly responsible for such assaults on taste as American Idol, Survivor, and Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. The same people snicker about blubbery American tourists, and, of course, they have an undeniably good case - watching my 300-pound countrypeople waddling across Trafalgar Square is painful. But the Brits and other Europeans might take a look at the blokes to left and right of them. Fat Brits and their bovine compatriots across the Channel are hardly rare. According to the president of the European Association for the Study of Obesity, "In many European countries, more than half the population is overweight or obese."

Heal thyselves.

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"We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are."

- From the Talmud.

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Meaning We Do Want To

When someone says, "It isn't the money", you can bet it's the money. That applies in other contexts. Said a spokesman for one of the two finalists in the recent French elections: "I don't want to lecture America. But we don't want France to fall into the same Kafkaesque balloting as happened in the United States."

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A Bumpy Start, You Might say

Jim Gibbons was elected governor of Nevada last November. Given his accomplishments since then, and the record of his party leader in Washington, you should have no trouble guessing his political affiliation.

*He couldn't pronounce the name of his energy advisor because she is "Indian". She is Turkish.

*He announced a plan to cut taxes on small businesses -by two hundredths of one percent.

*He proposed that the state could raise money by distilling jet fuel from coal. Nevada has hardly any coal deposits.

*During his campaign, he displayed a firm grasp on contemporary mores and 21st Century policy initiatives with the remark that "liberal, tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, hippie, tie-dyed liberals" ought to be used as human shields in Iraq.

*He scheduled his swearing-in seconds after midnight on New Year's Eve, citing vague security concerns related to the execution of Saddam Hussein. No doubt jihadists have the governor of Nevada high on their target lists.

*He suggested that a way to pay for the $3.8 billion deficit in highway construction funds would be to sell the water rights under state roads. The state doesn't own those rights.

*His wife announced a ban on alcohol in the governor's mansion. That residence, she might have been reminded, is in Nevada!

What happens there stays there, y'know what I'm sayin'?

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Because He Can

A 110-year-old Saudi man has taken a second wife because his first one, 85, "no longer satisfies his needs." No specifics were offered, although mega-doses of little blue pills were probably involved. The new spouse is 30.

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Falwell Lives!

Tinky Winky can't catch a break. The official children's rights watchdog of Poland expressed concern that the purple Teletubby promoted homosexuality. He carries a bag that looks suspiciously like a purse.

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Guns

Al Jazeera was on our cable TV in Paris. Contrary to accusations of blatant anti-American rants by the thugs who run our government, the coverage was as bland and nonconfrontational as CNN or NBC. Some of the anchors and reporters were even familiar from American and British networks. News was delivered in a largely evenhanded manner, although with an understandable emphasis on Middle East affairs. Geezer would like access to it at home.

There was one moment of irritation. In the immediate aftermath of the Virginia Tech massacre, an on-camera reporter of the blonde twinkie persuasion oozed smug superiority as she revealed that, as a Canadian, she just couldn't comprehend the American affinity for guns. These sorts of things just don't happen in her country, she attested.

*A few days later, a 14-year-old was killed in a high school shooting in Toronto. No arrests.

*Last September a gunman entered Dawson College, outside Montreal, and shot 2o people before he was killed by police.

*In April of 2006, eight rival bikers were killed by Hell's Angels in London, Ontario.

*In August 1992, an aggrieved professor at Concordia University in Montreal shot four of his colleagues.

*Also in Montreal, in 1989, Marc Lepine entered the Ecole Polytechnique with a semi-automatic rifle and shot 28 people before he killed himself. Fourteen of his victims died.

Look homeward, twinkie.

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Today's Recipe

We became enamoured of Turkish cooking after a visit to Istanbul several years ago. There is much use of vegetables, often with meat merely as flavoring, and lots of seafood. Recently, we enjoyed restaurants featuring the cuisine in both London and New York - the latter called Beyoglu at 1431 Third Avenue (212-650-0850), not far from the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It's an open-sided cafe with a distinct eastern Mediterranean look, featuring meze, the tapas-like appetizers. Portions are hefty, so two make a satisfying meal at moderate cost. Try the Turkish wine, not to be confused with the valleys Napa or Gironde, but not bad.

Zeytinyagli Pirasa (with a little crescent over the g)

Serves 4 - 6

Here's a side dish that replaces the usual potato or rice and green beans or broccoli conventions.

It's adapted, with one modification, from The Sultan's Kitchen by Ozcan Ozan.

One-half cup olive oil

One-half cup onion, chopped

2 pounds leeks

2 carrots, peeled and sliced

One-half cup Israeli couscous

One-half cup flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped

2 teaspoons sugar

2 teaspooons lemon juice

Salt to taste

2 cups hot water

Cut off the roots of the leeks and about two-thirds of the green parts of the leeks. Remove the coarse outer leaves. Slice the leeks lengthwise. Wash carefully inside the leaves, where much dirt accumulates. Cut the leeks crosswise in one-half-inch-wide slices. Set aside.

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat and cook the onions gently for two to three minutes until soft, not browned. Add the leeks, carrots, couscous, parsley, sugar, and lemon juice. Season with salt and stir. Pour in the hot water, cover the skillet, and cook at a simmer for about 20 minutes, or until leeks are tender.

Transfer to a serving dish, cover, and refrigerate for one hour. Serve chilled or at room temperature.

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