Episode 69: On The Way

Coming Up

Pale green shoots of iris, crocus, and daffodil suddenly stabbed through the garden mulch. The small azalea next to the porch is already budding. In a just a few weeks, the maples and oaks and ironwood will leaf out, blocking our view of the Croton and the Hudson and the bay where Henry Hudson dropped anchor in 1609. We'll lose sight of the 18th Century tavern on the north bank that was a stop on the Albany Post Road even before the Revolution.
We know the season is turning because a pair of pileated woodpeckers showed up in the backyard, whacking at decaying branches, even before the robins. They usually don't appear until May. Harbingers of a hot summer, perhaps?

The Dow went up 9% last week. Good news or just a bump?


A Tiny Little Triumph For Reason
Georgia passed a law last year that allows people with permits to carry their guns into restaurants, state parks, and on buses. That wasn't enough for the state's gun nuts. They filed a lawsuit to allow weapons in the Atlanta airport. Really! A federal appeals court denied the request.

And On Your Left, Ladies and Gentlemen...










...the exterior of a public toilet in Europe. And on your right, the interior of the same toilet.

You Don't Want To Go There: Update
Adding to Geezer's warnings last time out about vacationing in Mexico, especially for college-age Spring breakers, consider this buried aside from the Times: "Because so many security-conscious students are hiring private drivers to shuttle them around in vans, taxi drivers have begun blocking the roads, and in some cases forcibly removing passengers from the vans and ordering them into taxis."

Tack Yemen to the No-Go list: A suicide bomber killed four South Korean tourists near the fortress city of Shibam, a UNESCO World Heritage site. A year earlier, terrorists mowed down tourists in Hadhramaut, murdering two Belgian tourists and their driver. And a few months before that, a suicide bomber killed eight Spaniards and two Yemenis.

While I'm at it, you might want to skip any resort island or town popular with British tourists.

Booze-fueled Brits have long been notorious in beach areas of Spain, picking fights, brawling, carousing, vomiting and urinating on cobblestone streets. It got so bad a few years ago King Juan Carlos publicly protested that such behavior was unacceptable and that the British government was obligated to do something about their carousing post-adolescent nationals.

The list of their favored destinations grows, from Ibiza to Cyprus to Kos to Zakinthos, among many waterside venues. They are enabled by cheap air-hotel packages offered by tour agencies and by bars that encourage binge drinking. A typical happy hour incentive was the one pouring four drinks and two shots for the equivalent of $8.

More "You Might Be a Redneck If..."

*You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
*You have to go outside to get a beer from the fridge.
*Your junior prom had day care.

*You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
*You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

*You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

While we're on the subject, you surely know that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are Splitsville. Whoever could have foreseen that? Perhaps Momma Sarah, who was preggers before she married the First Dude. Redneck family values.

Rush "Fats" Limbaugh, the other de facto leader of the Garrulous Old Poops sure knows how to rally the troglodytes. In his call for Gotterdamerung, he expressed the wish that Obama fail, never mind how that could mean the end for all of us. Fats talks about morality a lot. He also is a drug addict and so far totals three marriages and three divorces. His intellectual underpinnings are comprised of two semesters and a summer session at prestigious Southeast Missouri State University. His mother said he flunked everything.
Add Louisiana Gov Jindall, who has demonstrated a Sunday School teacher's wit and charisma; Mitch O'Connell, the dough-faced Senate Majority Leader who struggled to win re-election in one of the safest Republican districts in the South; Michael Steele, bumbling party chairman; and the resurgent, albeit deluded Newt, and the Republicans show every sign of a galloping mutual death wish.

Room Service

Good news for those who can still afford to stay at certain InterContinental, Hard Rock, Nikki Beach, and W hotels! In the words of a press release from an outfit called Booty Parlor: "Premier hotels are now offering their guests a little something extra in the mini-bar. Currently available among the drinks and snacks is Booty Parlor's Hotel Collection. "Designed for instant seduction, this collection satisfies even the hungriest appetite." Several variously designated "Intimacy Kits" include such essential items as the "one-time-use" Vibrating Couple's Ring, tubes of Don't Stop Massage Oil, and a Marabou Feather Luxe Body Duster - "the best way to get hot and steamy wherever you are."
No word about costs, to your wallet or your dignity.

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