Episode 50: Leggo The Baton

"Aspirational Time Horizon"
So Dubya, and you, John, does that mean, y'know - um - sorta like a TIMETABLE?

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"The older I grow the more I distrust the doctrine that age brings wisdom."
- H.L. Menken

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Irrelevant Old Poops
It isn't easy to know when to ease off, back away, and leave the stage to the next generation, especially if one has lived a life of accomplishment and is possessed of an ego the size of Rhode Island. But when it's time, it's time, and here are six old crocks who need to grasp that reality.

Ralph Nader is our generation's Harold Stassen, an earlier clueless egotist who made a spectacle of himself time after time after time. This is Ralph's fifth run for the Presidency. He maintains that he is obligated to do so because there is no difference between the Democratic and Republican parties, ignoring the realities of the last three presidential elections. Nader did an important service for consumers forty years ago. You're 74, Ralph. Go tinker with a Corvair.

Phil Gramm has resigned as economics advisor to McCain. Yet another Texas argument for mandatory retirement, Gramm progressed from a career as a college professor and investor in porn films to a Senate seat and a failed Presidential campaign. A few months ago, he said he was a lock for Secretary of the Treasury in a McCain administration. Then he poo-pooed concerns over current economic difficulties with such statements as, "You've heard of mental depression. This is a mental recession" and "We have become a nation of whiners." His compassion for people who don't happen to be multi-millionaires was manifest in his remark some years ago, "Most people don't have the luxury of living to be 80 years old, so it's hard for me to feel sorry for them." Presumably, he'd prefer that old people find themselves an ice floe and push out to sea. These days, he persists as Vice-Chairman of UBS Investment Bank, which has recently agreed to stop concealing the accounts of rich Americans trying to hiding their money. He's 66. Time to go, Phil. Don't scrape your knuckles on the rug on the way out.

Dan Rather had his feelings hurt when CBS eased him out as anchor of the evening newscast in 2005. His employers' reasons had to do with Dan leaping to some unsubstantiated conclusions about Dubya's military service, although the fact that he hadn't been able to drag his program out of last place in over twenty years no doubt had something to do with it. (Who can forget "Gunga Dan"?) Now Rather is suing CBS for $70 million in damages to his reputation. He's 77.
Old people tend to trip over their own tongues. A few days ago, Dan was a guest on an MSNBC morning program, discussing the gaffe by Jesse Jackson (see below) concerning Barack Obama. "I have a great respect for Jesse Jackson," Rather said, "that he was an important figure in paving the way for an Osama bin Laden to appear." Nobody on the show corrected him. Exit gracefully, Dan.

Jesse Jackson is proud of his leadership in three decades of the civil rights movement. He ran for president twice, throwing a scare into fellow Democrats during his strong race in 1988. But Jesse had more than a few pre-YouTube episodes before his latest senior moment. There was his crack during that presidential primary run about going to "Hymietown" - i.e. New York - and his comment that he was "Sick and tired of hearing about the Holocaust." A married minister, his shaky grasp of personal morality was illustrated when he fathered a daughter out of wedlock.
On at least a couple of recent occasions, Barack Obama declared that black men had to meet their responsibilities as fathers. It's hard to argue against that statement, given the fact that over 60% of black children grow up with single parents. Jesse plowed ahead anyway. Fox News caught him whispering on a commercial break: "See, Barack's been talking down to black people on this faith-based (stuff). I want to cut his nuts off. Barack, he's talking down to black people."
Obama has stated often that he stands on the shoulders of those who preceded him. It is reasonable to assume that Jesse's grumping is simple jealousy. He's 67. The limelight is moving away, Jesse. Deal with it.

Robert Novak has been a journalist, of sorts, for over 45 years. One of his less luminous moments was when he outed Valerie Plame as a CIA agent in 2003. He was illegally leaked that information by Scooter Libby, an assistant to Dick Cheney. Scooter's in jail. Bob didn't even pay a fine.
Add to his right-wing rants the information that Bob is a big fan of dog- and cockfighting, which he will travel to Mexico and the Caribbean to see. He deplores U.S. laws against those activities.
In addition to his syndicated newspaper column, Novak is a professional pundit. He was all over CNN until he had a snit on a talk show, uttered a nasty word, and stalked off. Not long after, he became, predictably, a regular on Fox News.
Around Washington, D.C. he is known as an aggressive driver with a hot temper. On July 23rd, he was tooling along K Street in his black Corvette when he hit a pedestrian. He didn't stop.
A nearby bicyclist saw the accident, raced after the Corvette, and made Novak halt while he called police. The cyclist, a lawyer, reported that the pedestrian, an 86-year-old homeless man (not 66, as initially reported), flew up over the hood and splayed across the windshield before rolling off.
Novak claimed he didn't know a six-foot-tall man landed on his windshield. The judge believed him and levied a $50 fine. He should have taken away his license. Novak is 77. Take the exit ramp, Bob, and you might want to lose about sixty ugly pounds while you're at it.

And then there's McCain. Where to begin? I'll have much, much more to say about ol' John in future episodes (else I'd have to hand in my lefty blogger credentials), but here are a few antipasti to chew on:

*Last year, after a trip to Germany, McCain referred to "President Putin of Germany."

*He said in Spring that troops in Iraq were "down to pre-Surge levels" when there were, in fact, more than 20,000 more troops than when the Surge began.

*In the last month, he has referred to a country that hasn't existed since 1993 -
Czechoslovakia. Look up Czech Republic and Slovakia, John.

*Last week, McCain, the alleged foreign policy expert, confused Somalia and Sudan.

*On a morning television show a few days ago, he talked about problems along the "Iraq-Pakistan" border. (For the geographically-impaired, those countries are 750 miles apart.)

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"There are three faithful friends - an old wife, an old dog, and ready money."
- Benjamin Franklin

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YouTube Alerts

*If you're old enough to remember Woodstock and Joe Cocker's performance there - or if you've just heard your parents talk about it - go to http://youtube.com/watch?v=T4_MsrsKzMM. Hilarious.

*Many Christians will be deeply offended by this video - http://youtube.com/watch?v=on LbeuEqNIE - but most of us secular humanists find it both startling and hysterical.

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